A Winding Path. A Roadmap from God
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:10 NIV). A Roadmap from God.
I stood in front of the mirror looking over the scars that covered my body. The scars start on my head. There, underneath my very thick hair, you will find a deep wound at the back of my head. My wedding ring rests on a chain sitting lovingly below my tracheotomy scars. Traveling down, there is a big gouge on the side of my back. There are stripes down my left leg where they removed skin to replace the necrotized flesh. Representing flesh-eating disease is a huge and very deep scar down my right leg. This scar that runs very deep into flesh and muscle. It looked like a winding path. A roadmap.
I Can’t Help But Look at My Scars as a Roadmap
But the right leg now has an additional scar all the way across the top where my hip was replaced.
I am broken and scarred. I wonder if scars carry the memories of what causes them. Perhaps they carry the memories and the emotions and the hopes and fears that accompany them. So many of us carry scars, they are just not always visible.
I used to have an unblemished body. I can’t remember any scars except maybe one on my right forefinger where I dissected a frog and accidentally sliced my finger, and quite a few scars on my arms where I would burn myself taking something out of the oven. Something I do a lot less now as I actually have to concentrate as I remove things from the hot elements.
When I first came home from the hospital, I did the same exercise, studying all the new scars on my body that I had never seen before. Wondering what my body had been put through. But I am a different person now. I recognize that, although I am scarred and broken, I have spirit, which is one of the greatest gifts from God.
I can’t help but look at my scars as a roadmap. A roadmap to the woman I have become. I am a very different person than the one who begged God to give her a second chance to be with her family, and yet the same. Two in one.
Here I Stand on the Most Recent Road of My Journey
It’s a roadmap to the path that God has laid out before my family and I. That path has brought us to many joyous and wonderful opportunities and places.
And here I stand on the most recent road of my journey. Nine days after my hip replacement, God gave me the courage and strength to attend my very first course for women’s ministry. Since the day I have awoken. I have wanted to do something in the church that reflects what God has done for me. Now, I am studying women’s ministry and learning everything from soul-tending to spiritual leadership. It’s my chance to pay it forward. The chance to serve! The growth I have experienced in the first two months of this course is immeasurable. By God’s grace I hope that growth will be reflected in my writing and speaking.
I Knew if I Put God First, He Would Certainly Put Me First Too
But once again the road was not easy. I woke from my hip surgery nauseous, unable to stand for long very periods of time, and unable to keep food down for five days. I had many scares in which I awoke in excruciating pain – but God sent the perfect nurse to take it away. In another scare, they thought my blood count was way too low. I was rushed to Emergency at St. Michael’s Hospital, only to find that it was miraculously fine. In the meantime, I was able to meet some of the most amazing nurses, EMS workers, and doctors. I was given the opportunity to tell my story.
So many corners I turned I was faced with people who thought it would be impossible for me to attend a course nine days after hip surgery. But I knew, if I put God first, He would certainly put me first too. He did not disappoint. With the help of very good friend, I was able to not only attend, but contribute. A roadmap from God if you will.
A Roadmap From God Laid Out Before Me
So that road, with all its winds and turns, that path, a roadmap from God laid out before me, continues to take me to new heights. I am learning so much and I cannot wait to see who He has made me to be and to become.